Understanding, Identifying, and Healing From Narcissistic Abuse - A Blog Series

 It's been close to two years since I've posted a blog here. 

A very difficult and dark two years.

During the pandemic, my ex basically put me on the street and chose 'the other woman'

Without going into too much detail, as I'll be saving that for another post, after giving up everything and everyone I've ever known and loved for 40 plus years to reconcile with my ex after 2 years, I was put on the street, sued for custody of my youngest son, more broken than I had even thought possible, I learned my ex was a narcissist. 

12 years.... 12 years of signs I ignored or missed, excuses I'd made... 

Never before had I ever tolerated being treated poorly; I'd left relationships for much, much less... 

How did this happen to me? 

This series of posts are going to be published in hopes that I can reach someone who needs to hear this before it's too late, in hopes that I can prevent one person from enduring what I had to. 

Let's take a look at what narcissism actually is before we go any further. 

Chances are, narcissists aren't anything like the preconceived notions you currently possess. The common concept most people have of a narcissist is loud, overly or falsely confident, arrogant, and often self-centered. Well, that is just a small part of what this toxic persona really is.

There are two types of narcissists: the Overt and the Covert (vulnerable) narcissist Let's take a moment to review the characteristics of both of these types. 

The Overt Narcissist 

The Overt Narcissist is the most commonly known, yet still widely misunderstood type of narcissist. it's rather easy to pick them out of a crowd. For the most part, they are rather upfront with their toxic behavior. 

The most common traits of an Overt Narcissist are excessive self-importance, entitlement, arrogant condescension, grandiosity, superficial charm, attention-seeking, aggressive manipulation, negative put-downs, and one-upmanship. (Psychology Today)

In their mind, they are the center of the universe. There is nothing sneaky about them - for example, you might mention that you are having a hard time lately and feeling low. The Overtt response would most likely sound something like, "YOU are having a hard time? YOU?? I've been suffering for years, but you never noticed. Do you realize how hard things are for me?  Whatever you are going through is NOTHING like what I have to deal with!" or "Great. I'll bet you'll ruin the whole evening whining about your 'hard time'."

There is much more to it than just an arrogant, insensitive jerk, however. We'll go deeper into that later. 

The Covert or Vulnerable Narcissist 

The Covert is much stealthier than its' counterpart. Typically, no one notices them at all, or if they do, they would argue that they are some of the sweetest people on the planet. 

They possess a low-key level of superiority and are exceptionally judgemental. Most Coverts claim oppression and have the world view them as misunderstood, special, or victimized. These are the people who have story after story about how they were taken advantage of or used and then abused or discarded. The majority of their circle don't see the other side at all, they only see what the Covert wants them to see... the poor victim - and this is by diabolical design. It can take years before identifying them and even when you do, good luck trying to convince anyone else. 

As with the Covert Narcissist, we will go much deeper into how they operate later on. 

Up Next

This is just a brief introduction to this series of blog posts. We will be going through and explaining things like Gaslighting, Love Bombing, the three Ds of narcissistic abuse and so much more. I'll also tell my story of personal experience over a couple of blogs as a sort of roadmap on the long process of identifying, breaking free, and healing from the trauma.  

I'd like to encourage a dialogue in the comments in regards to personal experience, questions you may have - anything at all. The only rule is that there will be absolutely no shaming, negativity, or harassment to anyone at any time. 

You are also encouraged to share this series with anyone you think would benefit. 

I'll be taking part in a podcast this next month regarding narcissistic abuse and self-publishing a book eventually... I'll share all of that as it unfolds. I'd also be willing if any are interested in creating some sort of support circle in the future. 

So, sit back and get ready for the journey of healing and education we are about to embark on. 

You are not alone. 

You are enough. 

You are loved.