The Search For Sprout... or How My 16-Month Old Runs me...

Last year Ugga Bugga's dad and I got Direct Tv at a great price. We went with Comcast for internet because they were running a special as well.

Well, It's over now. I think we are paying like $50 for internet and $100 for TV. KTHANKSNO.

So I did what anyone would do, I called Comcast and asked them what kind of discounts I could get by bringing them my TV service. She told me about a great package that was $70/mo or something and I got excited.

Then it occurred to me...

"Does that include PBS Sprout?" I ask.

She says no... That's a second tier channel. (WHAAAAT???) Well good job Comcast. Way to take advantage of insane parents who are sleep deprived. I am certain that no single or childless person opts to be upgraded to second tier programming because they are worried they will miss out on the crazy antics of Chica the Chicken on the fucking Sunnyside Up Show.

Ok. So I start investigating more. She offers me a package that is $99 for cable, telephone andiInternet. I told her I don't need a phone, I just want cable and Internet. She tells me that by getting this package I am eligible for a $250 Visa gift card. Again, I politely decline. So she moves on to what she refers to as 'Double Play' packages. These include just cable and Internet. That package is $99 as well.

What. Whut? Why?

She goes on to explain it has everything the Triple Play Package has, minus the phone, and the Visa gift card is $50. Then she instructs me that it would just make more sense if I signed up for the phone service. Oh, would it? I guess it would if I needed a fucking phone. I'm sure I could get a great deal on Jock Itch medication too, but seeing as that I have no dick, I'd likely pass.

While all this is going on, Ugga Bugga is in the background watching Thomas and Friends, dancing and clapping along to the theme song. Well played Thomas. You assshole.

So I bite... Ok. I'll do it. $99, right? Sure. Whatever. Then she asks me how many TVs I have. I tell her I'll need three boxes. She asks if they are HD. I don't fucking know! Up until 2006 I had a goddamned Console Tv. Do you know what that is??? Here....

BAM motherfucker! Console TV! Dude, seriously, it worked, who cared? Now we have a bunch of TVs, but none of them are flat screens and since I'm a girl, I assume that means they are not HD. She informs me that each HD box, which is necessary to receive any channel over 100 (PBS Sprout being 135), is $9.95. Also, the modem for the fucking phone I don't want is $7/mo as well. Well, at least I see the usefulness of the $250 Visa card, which I am sure I'll have to blow a goat to get. It was at that moment I said words I have never said before in my life: I'm going to have to discuss this with my husband first.

They have me by the throat here really. I learned after a fight with AT&T a year ago that we are not serviceable. Of course, that did not stop them from selling me the service, attempting to install it for a week or two and then after telling me I was not a serviceable address (something you would think they would have known upfront) an still sending me a bill for $250.... I guess after all is said and done, I'm still saving $10 a month.

Whatever. I have to go. It's time to sell my soul to Comcast...