I Hope You're Happy...

I remember once that the thought of not being able to share my day with you was more than I could bare. It's been nearly two months now since we've even had a conversation. I haven't replaced you as my confidant - I keep to myself.

Two months - so many things I've wanted to tell you - so many times I've had to stop myself from sending a text. Two months since I've heard your voice.

Four years, several hundred miles - and this is the longest we've ever one without talking. The impossible has become possible - manageable even.

So strange when I think about it. While a few thins have changed, most have stayed the same, you just don't know. The house is a little more empty without your presence in it. We still laugh, just not with you. We still talk - just about different things. we've kept moving - just in a different direction. I hope you have too.

I hope you remember  to never stay still for too long. I hope you're getting up on time for work and that your feet don't hurt too badly. Remember your worth, even though I'm not there to remind you.

I thought you wouldn't be able to survive without us - I was wrong. I didn't think we'd be ok without you - I was wrong about that too.

We talk about you sometimes - remember the good times. None of our eyes cloud over with sadness anymore. The lack of your presence is still felt, just not to the point that the world stops any longer.

You'll meet someone - I will too. We won't be able to talk about it, though. We aren't friends. Jax will learn so many new things... Just the other day he told me about a planet he learned about in a different galaxy - but he didn't tell you about it. Sadly, he didn't get tot tell his dad either.

Musefi - that's what it was called. Just out of nowhere he told me - it was so cool. I always figured he'd be telling you about these things. Hell, I thought he'd be telling his dad too. I was wrong on that as well.

But we're still doing ok. We laugh, we talk... you're just not here to share it.

I know I talk like you've died - maybe in a way you have - but only to us.

I used to tell you the opposite of love is not hate - it's indifference. It still is, I've just found that I couldn't be indifferent to you. I wanted to hate you, but that didn't feel right either.

I have hope for you instead.  I hope you're happy. I hope you're good. I hope you get what you wish for, that you're well understood. Whatever your progress - I know you'll be fine. I hope you're happy - even if you're not mine.

I'm saying thank you. I'm saying we're ok. I'm asking you to keep moving, find joy in things you normally wouldn't, and think of us when you do.

I'm saying good-bye - because we never got to. You're going to be just fine - and we will too.