Changes Suck Major Ass

In case you weren't aware, I returned to Chicago last week. I left my youngest son behind because he was safer in Minnesota than here. It kinda blows.

Why did I leave? I left because the man I love and had committed my life to was emotionally involved with another woman. He would deny it over and over.

When I told him I was leaving, he asked me over and over again why I was being so nice. I told him it was because I wasn't angry - I was just really sad. He told me to stay a few times because it was safer there - but not because he didn't want to lose me.

We spent the last two nights sharing a bed because I wanted to remember how it was. I cried a lot. HE did too.

Finally, the last night before my son picked me up, I told him that I would stay if he could show me his texts -without having the opportunity to delete any first - and if the texts he was exchanging with her backed up what he was telling me. He got angry and refused.

That in itself was answer enough.

We have still talked daily on the phone and he ends every phone call telling me he loves me. At one point, I said that I deserve to know the truth. I wanted to hear him tell me what the reality of the situation was. He danced around the question and deflected with stupid jokes.

So, I told him what I figured would have happened. Logically, if he wanted me to stay, he would have begged me not to go or proven nothing was going on. If he really wanted to be with her, he would be relieved that I left, allowing him the freedom to get back together with her.

But neither of those things happened. All this does is serve to confuse me. I asked what his end game was here- did he expect me to stay and continue our relationship while keeping her on the side? That neither of us would figure it out? Then what? How did he plan on being with both of us?

As it was, my mind was blown that she continued to stick around. What kind of woman would accept that her man was living with his ex-wife and that they weren't having sex? Who is that delusional?

Before he locked his phone, I texted her off of his phone. This is how it went:

Me: It's Melissa. The games have to stop. He's playing us both.

I'm not even angry anymore. I'm just tired. I offered to leave before this COVID thing...he begs me not to go. I don't want to play games anymore. I'm just tired of being lied to. You should be too.

Her: Don't ever text me again, Melissa. You are the devil. Go burn in hell.

Me: Oh for god's sake. You don't see what he's doing here?

Her:  Fuck you!!!!!!!

We are soul mates. Nothin can tear us apart. Deal with it.

Me: You know nothing about me. Only what he's told you. I'm sure he hasn't told you we are sleeping together regularly. Why would he? I asked him how he can live with himself playing games like that.

If that's so, why is he fucking me?

Her: Don't you ever text me again you crazy bitch.

Me: I could send time and date stamped videos if you'd like. This just needs to end. He needs to pick a side.

Whatever. As long as I'm here, it's not going to work out for you two. And not because I'm standing in the way. Because he won't let me leave.

Ok, so there's a couple things here. First off - she's 47 years old. She responded like a 12-year-old. Second, I was trying to be cool with her and let her know with anger that she was being as fucked with as I was.

I didn't have videos of us having sex, but she doesn't know that. How could she accept his words? I wouldn't take that shit.

So I didn't. My middle son drove 12 hours round trip to pick me up.

The ride was actually awesome. He started by telling me I had one hour to cry and be a little bitch, but that was it. Amazingly, I didn't use it. On a normal day, he would bitch about me singing along to songs and change them when I did. We actually played a bunch of songs (including Miley Cyrus and Backstreet Boys) at the top of our lungs and laughed our asses off.

I loved every minute of it.

I was supposed to spend the first three days at my ex's house so I could figure out my next move. Once we got in the car, my son told me under no circumstance was that going to happen. He was taking me to hotel where his girlfriend was staying (her family got evicted - long story) When I argued, he said that it was nothing against my ex at all - It was the fact that I was going to be a puddle of myself and I might, in a moment of weakness, get too comfortable there. I agreed.

So, now I'm here, waiting for my unemployment to kick in. I was fortunate enough to have enough money saved to see me through so far. When I ran out, magically, the state tax refund I had been waiting for months to receive came through. Apparently, the universe is looking out for me.

So, what's the lesson here? Don't deal with less than you deserve. I wanted to stay in Minnesota. I was happier there than Chicago - I still am. But, I could not continue to live under the same roof as a man who was in love with another woman. So I didn't

I could eventually get over him banging random women. But this was worth. He was cheating emotionally. He was emotionally involved with another woman. He wasn't even SEEING her, but he loved her enough to keep going.

I deserve better than that.

For years, he had the mental image of me having been a monster - that was how he dealt with my leaving. In the end, he said that this time, be would remember me differently based on my actions. He would remember me as a better person. For years, all he wanted was his family back. He got it but was so stuck on how he remembered me that he tossed it away.

The only thing we ever fought over was her. His response was always a cop-out. He would bring up something that I did years ago. When I would say that was irrelevant and to stay in the present, he refused.

So, what next? I'm not sure. Having been happy in living in Minnesota, being here again only serves to remind me how much I hate it here. I still have a job to go back to if I choose to return. All I have to do now is decide if I'm going to stay here or go back after all this pandemic shit is over and get my own place.

The world is facing something it has never seen before. this is an unprecedented event in the history of mankind. Everyone is freaking out. Now more than ever, we need to practice self-care. You just can't take care of anyone else you love if you are not taking care of yourself.

Don't ever be someone's back up plan.

You deserve much. much better.

You need to give yourself credit for the smallest of things. You got up this morning. You took a shower, then you got dressed, grabbed your car keys, and took care of business. 10 years from now, I'll still be without him, but I'll be happy.

Love you - Now love yourself.