The Awful Truth About Love

You've probably already blown it.

All your life you have been told it's about birds singing and fireworks and all this other bullshit... You know what? You probably met the 'love of your life' years ago, but fucked it all up because they weren't what you're looking for....

Well, ain't that a bitch.

Since the earliest days, we are taught to look for a special kind of explosive kind of love...typically using whatever our parents had/didn't have as a guide in regards to what we don't want. Then deposit fairy tails, Disney princesses, wedding catalogs... You're fucked.

I've recently told a friend that I am to the point where I've given up on love. My goal was to find one other crazy asshole to hang out with and not judge me too harshly til one of us dies. If that asshole can manage to fall in love with me, well, then that's all the better. That...was when it occurred to me... Isn't that what love is???

The idea of love at first sight is a bunch of horse puckey, my friends. If there is someone you can't stop thinking about, someone that invades your thoughts constantly.... Well, experience has told me to run. That person is no good for you. I just don't think it really happens like that.... not long term anyway.

You can fall in love with an idea really quick. A person? Not so much. People do stupid things... gross things... even really cool people. You gotta take all that weird, stupid and gross shit on...long term. Dude, people are an acquired taste, like vodka. No one likes vodka the first time they taste it. Well, not if they are being honest with yourself anyway. You just kinda....get used to it.

True love involves a hell of a lot of tolerance. Like, a shit load. It's not about accepting someone for all that they are or aren't, it's more so that realizing that both you and your partner have mental or physical ailments that you have to learn to live within. Now, I'm not suggesting that it's really cool that your dreamboat dresses up as a bunny and beats people to death with a steel dildo, that's more than a mental ailment. That is batshit crazy. When I say mental, I mean just enough dysfunction to make you funny... just the cutest touch of mental illness. SWOON.... (Unless you are into the whole bunny suit thing, then rock on, sista!)

My point is this... wait, huh? SAIL!

You've probably already met them. You probably already cast them away, friend zoned them, whatever... You might have even had the brass balls to assume you were too good for them, or vice versa. If you're really lucky, one day when you're at the gas station in sweats and flip flops, lookin' a wreck, you'll run into them when the fountain machine sprays slushie all over you. Hopefully they'll grab you a towel, however, I'd know he was the one if he laughed his ass off at me first, THEN got the towel.

A guy once told me that I shouldn't take all his yelling and ranting personally. I was like, WHUUUUT? how the hell do you not take all that shit personal, especially when it's directed at you pretty much non stop. It's how every day began... When I asked that, he said, "Well, sure. Don't let anyone else talk to you like that. But when I do it, don't take it personal." I'm pretty sure that's Latin for "I'm a DICK." We end up with dicks because they look intriguing, or tortured geniuses or whatthefuckever lie we wanna tell ourselves. The only tortured anything is yourself, years later, wondering how the hell you got where you are. (This was not in the brochure!)

Slow down. It's not a race. People get married at 90. People have been instinctively coupling for eons... It'll happen. Wait for it. Maybe the problem is you.... maybe when you met the right person, you weren't the right person yet. Do a little work on yourself, take a little inventory. The right person won't save you, they'll compliment you.  They'll instinctively pick up when you begin to drop. It's a beautiful dance that can only be perfected after practice....lots of practice.

It'll all be alright in the end. If it's not alright? Well, then it's not the end yet.

xoxo